How to blow your nose (I'm not kidding)

With the change in seasons and a case of the sniffles, I've been reminded of all the mocosos (snotty children) that passed through my classroom who needed a little instruction on effective nose-blowing and tissue etiquette... There are even some adults who could use this mini-lesson, so here it is:

Let me begin by mentioning that some children will just sit there with their heads titled back, sniffling until you ask them if they need a tissue, at which point their eyes light up with relief, as though you've thrown them a life preserver they didn't realize they needed.  What's amazing, is that we adults do the same thing, sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, until it dawns on you: A tissue!  Yes, of course!  As an adult, you can't let a sniffling situation go too far and you should definitely never wipe your nose with your hand (in public).

1.  Starting with a fresh Kleenex, cover your whole nose while also making sure the palms of your hands are sufficiently protected by the tissue, ya know, to catch any spray (this is nose-blowing 101 people).

2.  Gently press one nostril closed and blow through the other nostril, emptying the nasal cavity.  Switch nostrils and repeat.  (You'd be surprised how many people DON'T go with this one-at-a-time method!  It would be an understatement to say it provides just an extra oopmh.  That's like saying installing a nitrous kit makes your car go just a little faster.)

3.  Carefully pinch the tissue together, making sure to disconnect anything caught in the tissue from what's still left in your nose.  As you pull the tissue away from your face, you're going to want to LOOK at what came out.  If you are in a social setting, try to RESIST this temptation.  Just continue to pull the tissue away, avoiding any direct eye contact with it and folding it in such a way that all of the offending snot is carefully tucked inside.  (At this point I will mention, but not go on at length about, how distracting this process can be if a student does it during instruction.)

So now you're breathing comfortably but you're holding a snot rag.  You've GOT to get rid of this thing.  My grandma used to tuck these in the sleeve of her shirt.  I don't recommend this.  Your best bet is, obviously, to throw it in a trash bin immediately.  I can't stress this option enough.  It's already in your hands.  Why put it somewhere, only to have to pick it up again later when it will be even more disgusting?  Chances are, that unless you carry tissues with you, you're probably blowing your nose right next to the Kleenox box, which, come to think of it, should always be placed near a trashcan.  Just throw it away.

If you can't get to a trashcan, you should put it away, in a pocket or your purse.  Perhaps you even have the intention of giving this hankie a little round two.  Be careful.  Who knows what happens to a "nearly new" tissue.  It's never quite how you left it.

Got any other tissue etiquette or sage nose-blowing advice/stories to share?  Please leave a comment...